TODAY'S JOKE

During my early days of working in the courtroom as a court reporter I had the opportunity to work for and with a judge that I truly admired. His sense of humor was often seen from the bench and his rulings were based on evidence and fairness to the parties. That doesn’t always happen. I knew though, the first time I walked into his courtroom and was waiting for the case I was covering to be called, I was going to love him. Two out of town attorneys were arguing heavily, one yelling “If Your Honor please” “If Your Honor please” every other breath. The judge stood up, smiled at the audience and stated: “Your Honor pleases to have a cigarette, and that’s exactly what he’s going to do. We’ll take a ten minute recess.”

I’d often wondered as a young girl what went on behind chamber doors. Well, I had the pleasure of working with the judge for 3 more years, and often found myself in chambers taking notes and arguments not appropriate for the audience or jury to hear. But one day, during an extremely tense murder trial the judge called us all into chambers. Taking my equipment, ready to take down any important facts I was pleasantly surprised as he lit up a cigarette, told us all to sit down and proceeded to tell a joke. This remains one of my favorite “legal” jokes.

The trial was an injury accident; counsel had prefaced the case with opening arguments. It seemed a pretty cut and dry case. Mr. Brown a 70 year old local farmer had been going to the stockyard to sell a heifer when he was t-boned at a four-way intersection. He’d suffered the loss of his heifer, Bessie, as well as broken ribs, contusions and a broken arm. He was suing for personal injuries as well as the loss of his prize heifer, Bessie. Counsel for the defense had only one factor in his favor. And when Plaintiff’s counsel finished his questioning he decided to hone in on that fact alone.

MR. FINKLEBERG: Mr. Brown, isn’t it true when the police officer asked you if you were hurt, you told him you were fine?

MR. BROWN: Well, it was a Thursday morning, and I loaded up old Bessie and we headed to the stockyard--

MR. FINKLEBERG: You’re not answering my question, Mr. Brown. Isn’t it true that when the police officer asked you if you were hurt, you told him you were fine?

MR. BROWN: Well, it was a Thursday morning, and I loaded up old Bessie and we headed to the stockyard--

MR. FINKLEBERG: It’s a yes or no question, Mr. Brown. Did you tell the police officer you weren’t hurt?

MR. BROWN: Well, it was a Thursday morning--

MR. FINKLEBERG: Your Honor, would you please instruct the witness to answer the question?

JUDGE: Well, I think I’d kind of like to hear the rest of the story. Go ahead, Mr. Brown.

MR. BROWN: Well, it was a Thursday morning, and I loaded up old Bessie and we headed to the stockyard. We come to this intersection and I stopped at the stop sign and looked. Seeing nothing coming I proceeded on through the intersection when here come this pickup truck out of nowhere just a flying. Next thing I knowed I was lying in the ditch listening to poor old Bessie a bawling. I knew she was hurt bad. Guess I passed out for a few minutes then, because this loud pop woke me up and Bessie wasn’t bawling no more. When I opened my eyes, why they was a police officer standing over me, smoking gun still in hand. He bent down, smiled at me and said: “Your cow was in pretty bad shape, and I had to put her down. How you feeling?” I looked him straight in the eye and said “I’m just fine.”

The moral of the story is what you say at an accident scene can come back to haunt you in a trial, but if you are lucky enough to get a judge with a sense of humor, the circumstances of the testimony make all the difference in the world.

Have a great day!