Friday, November 27, 2009

The Curse

Writing is truly the greatest therapy. Taking your thoughts, your pain, expressing them--and then changing them. Betrayal and The Curse is an example of dealing with the pain of child abuse, the awakening to a different world and starting to heal, only to find yourself betrayed by someone you loved.

A small body, cold and frightened
Wracked with sobbing pain,
The soul became shattered
And dimmed to just a flame.

I have no friends

No one knew the torment,
Lying deep inside,
No one heard the cries,
And the child slowly died.

I have no friends

A woman lost and lonely,
Needing desperately to cry,
For the lost children,
Dying deep inside.

I have no friends

You came and stood beside me,
You listened to the pain,
You helped to mend the shattered soul,
So we could live again.

You were our friend

The flame began to flicker,
Our life filled with light,
A world of chaos righted,
We emerged from the dark of night.

You were our friend.

But the world was all illusion
Created with deception and with lies,
And the soul slowly shattered,
As the flame flickered and died.

I no longer need a friend.

In lies there is only betrayal,
In betrayal only pain,
In pain lies the waking death
I shall not live again.

I have no friends.

Every abused child, woman, man deals with the pain of lost children inside. The parts of them they cannot face. Perhaps their anger. Their love. Their playfulness. Parts of their very essence and who they are.
Caralyne stood in the midst of the forest, staring at the velvety soft rose petals created by her tears. Each tiny drop shimmered and glowed with the colors of the rainbow before swirling into a tiny petal and falling softly to the ground. She felt as if her heart would break. Betrayed, defiled, soiled, used. And all in the name of love. Dropping to the ground she buried her face within her hands as she cried out, "Oh, Father, please help me. I want only to die!"
Hearing her anguished cry Allah looked down and saw His favorite daughter surrounded by the petals of her tears. The skies darkened from His anger that anyone or anything should dare to hurt her so. On a beam of sunlight breaking through the clouds He came to her.
"What is it my child? What has hurt you so deeply?"
Caralyne could not bring herself to look at Him as she slowly whispered, "I have given myself to a man without honor. I have shared with him my body and soul, Father. His heart was not true and his body not faithful. He is ruled by passion, not by love."
"Did you love him, my child?"
"Yes, Father. I loved him as I have loved no one but you."
"Then you have done no wrong. Tell me, who is this man that would defile a child of God?"
Soft blue eyes reddened by her tears slowly lifted to the vision before her. It had been said that no man could look upon the face of God, and maybe that was true. She was not a man. She had looked upon His face many times. Heard his voice. Felt His love for her. She could no longer have any doubt of who she was.
"He is your son, Jakkob."
A great sadness touched His heart. His beloved Jakkob. His son. She felt the sadness in his voice as he spoke to her again.
"I have waited many years my daughter for you to grow into yourself. I have nurtured you, sheltered you and waited for your call. You are now ready to become that which you truly are. When your soul shines even my Angels will be in awe of your beauty. You are my daughter. It is time for you to take your rightful place."
Caralyne bowed her head and gently sighed. This was her path and she would follow it, just as she had always known she would.
"What would you have me do with Jakkob?" He asked. "You may choose his punishment."
"I would not have him hurt, Father. He is just a man, and I shall remember him with sadness."
He had known her answer before he asked the question. A gentle soul she would willingly harm no one. Not even one that had shattered her so badly. A fragile smile played across her features as she bravely raised herself from the ground.
"Then I shall curse him that he shall remember you. With every touch of another woman, he shall ache for your touch. With every kiss upon his lips, with every breath that he takes he shall long for that which he tossed away so callously. I curse him to watch you grow more beautiful each day as you blossum with true love, and true love you shall find. I curse him to yearn but to find no outlet for his yearning. And though he shall continue to seek fulfillment in the arms of others -- he shall not find it. I curse him to long to hear the melody of your voice, it's soft caress from which he shall be denied. I curse him to suffer for you as you have suffered for him. I turn my face from him, and my ears shall be death to his pleas. So be it."
"So be it," she whispered, knowing Jakkob's punishment had been light and yet one she would not wish to endure. As the beam of sunlight slowly faded she felt an awakening begin inside her. Something was happening. The petals of her tears swirled and blended into a single beautiful rose, as her soul swirled and blended with her consciousness. The Angels looked down from heaven and smiled.
So beautiful.
The world was truly in for an awakening.
God smiled also as He stood beside them watching His daughter dance through the forest, one with all around her. Now the reckoning. He whispered to no one in particular, "Let the games begin."

There are many things we cannot change. People will always hurt other people. Love will bloom and sometimes die. We cannot change the world around us, but we can change how we feel about it and how we feel within it. Pain can be crushing, but it can also awaken us more fully to the true person we are. The beautiful, multi-faceted women and men we were meant to be.

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